Liza and I went to school together.  Her Grandad used to take me to ballet classes and her Nan is the reason that I’m frightened of small dogs.  She is, without a doubt, one of my favourite people on the planet and I love her as if she were part of my family.  Now to be honest, I’m not really sure where to start with Ben.  On Facebook, his description is ‘ridiculous man’ and I think that this sums him up pretty well.  He is unique.  He’s interested in everyone and everything and he genuinely has a heart of gold.  He wants to make the world a better place in the most insane ways possible.  If you met him you would not forget him, that’s for sure.  

So, you ask, what possessed me to match this pretty, kind and funny girl with this amazing but crazy guy?  Well, as with all our finest matches, I can’t quite put my finger on it.  They just fit.  I can even remember the very class I was in when I first had the idea that the two of them should ‘get it on.’  On paper they don’t make sense at all.  But in the flesh, something about their shared sense of ambition, combined with their laid back approach to life, just seemed to make sense to me.  

Having learned as much about relationships as I have, I can tell you that looking back - without even realising it – they both dealt with the early days beautifully.  Liza, ever the lady, was caring, flirty and fun.  Ben, without losing his ‘cool’ was gentlemanly, affectionate and not afraid of admitting that he was interested in Liza.  Neither of them tried to ‘play’ the situation, but rather went with their feelings and got to know one another.  

Now at the beginning of a new romance, you definitely don’t want to appear too keen, but there is something to be said for just going with the flow.  I reckon that it’s much much simpler this way.  We all know of ‘The Game’ and other psychological techniques used in the early stages of dating – and these things do work, BUT they rarely lead to a relationship.  If you can’t see any potential then by all means follow Neil Strauss’s words to the letter (his tips work for girls too by the way), but if you think that at some point there could be something more significant there, then it is a bad way to go about things.  You don’t have to dive in head first like Liza and Ben.  You just don’t have to behave like a moron either – making the other person know that they are important to you is a good place to start and you take it from there really. 

So, having had a wonderful beginning to their relationship, Ben and Liza proceeded to go to university and then travel the world together.  They are now living in New York and building up a small empire between them. Throughout the years they’ve encountered far more than their fair share of misfortune, but amazingly, one thing they’ve managed to maintain is their sense of fun together.  They party, hang out, go to gigs, explore new places and basically have a good laugh.  I think that’s the key to it really.  Can you be yourself with this other person in all these different situations?  Does this person challenge you, surprise you and make you laugh?  Do you have enough common interests that you can relate to one another, yet enough differences that you can maintain your own independence?  In other words, is there enough to keep you interested for ten years at least? 

Luckily for Ben and Liza the answer to all these questions is ‘yes’ and I am thrilled to tell you that on Saturday Ben Croft orchestrated one of the most amazing proposals of all time.  The two of them will be Mr and Mrs Croft in little over a year and Liza has very kindly asked me to be her Maid of Honour!!!!!!!!!  I am of course delighted to be awarded such a task.  It’s not been easy for them to get here, but they have, and the people who love them couldn’t be happier.  So to all SiaT readers, if you’re after the real deal, I’d encourage you to have a little faith and make sure that you stay true to yourselves – if you follow your gut, you’ll never go too far wrong.  It wont be easy and it probably wont pan out quite the way you expected, but it’ll be worth it for sure.

Papajoon was not alone, various versions of “don’t go back” are heard far and wide. I’ve already been told this by innumerable other people whenever I’m at some life cross-roads. However, I’m beginning to wonder whether I perhaps misinterpreted my dear Grandfather’s words and that this adage doesn’t always hold water. I think in my context, he said it because he knew his life could never be as it was before, so as a source of comfort it helped to see it as a positive life-affirming journey, therefore such a maxim propelled him into his new future. However I don’t think the notion should be so readily embraced.

I do agree that life should move forward, but there are occasions when it is ok to reflect and return to our pasts. I called this aphorism into question at two recent weddings I attended. They were both celebrations of couples who had broken up and then months or years later got back together. The weddings were magical and a wonderful reflection of the strong bond they had. I kept thinking to myself: “what if they had followed this school of thought?!”. I often meet members who have broken up with people only to regret it deeply later. Whenever they mention an attempt to rekindle the romance they confess it as though ashamed, clearly associating their step “backwards” as a failure.

We’ve got to change this! There actually isn’t anything wrong with restarting a relationship. You already know each other, you’ve been through the tentative first steps, you appreciate what works and what doesn’t. Sometimes people need that break in order to fully recognise what a good thing they had. This is no bad thing. As long as the spark is reignited with all of this in mind and folks realise that it’s going to be different the second (or third, or fourth!) time round. Extra effort has to be made to repair the damage of the division. You have to work out why you split up the first time and if those differences have been resolved. As long as you’re both now working together, there is absolutely no reason at all not to go back, in fact it can be the best way to move forward.

Sport in general is SUCH a good topic to start a conversation with.  There is so much of it around at the moment, that even if you don’t know what’s what, you can ask the right kind of questions to find out.  Also, aside from providing a handy ice-breaker, this summer’s sporting overload means that pubs and bars are fuller than normal, so it’s a great way to meet people too.  Get yourself out there and get chatting.

Now England are out, you’re free to adopt any team you like without feeling as though you’re heart’s been ripped out if they lose.  I’m going for Ghana, admittedly, that has a lot to do with my Ghanaian friend who gives me no choice.  I’m also kind of hoping that Spain get knocked out, so Torres can rest up for next season.  But that’s all by the by.

In my quest for ideal sporting pubs across London I’ve discovered an awesome little app that will help you support whichever team you’re now backing, by telling you which pubs are showing which matches.  There are a few of these things around, but from what I can tell, this is the only one that’s free.  Bonus.  Click here to check it out : clever footy app.

Now Gents, I know you need no further incentive to flock to a big screen, so if anything, I hope that this tip has assisted you in doing so.  Ladies, if you have a penchant for males of the foreign variety, then now if ever is the time to get your tookas into a pub.   What with England no longer in the competition, the chances are there’ll be fewer hooligans and more hotties.  Everyone’s a winner.

I would cheer Murray on at this point, but Nicky would probably throw something at me.  Still, it’d be nice to have a British Wimbledon champion wouldn’t it?  Or any kind of British champion for that matter.  We can’t just leave it to the cricketers.

So here’s to a full, fun and flirty sporting summer of 2010, hopefully you’ll find someone wonderful to canoodle!

Had we, however, been in the early throes of dating, it would have been the perfect location to get those butterflies fluttering.  Now I’d say that a gig is a good second date choice, so let’s take a step back and think about that all important date numero uno.

We recently conducted a survey which showed that 98% of women prefer it when the gentleman suggests a venue.  Whilst this might be a bit unfair, gents, to get things off on the right foot (in other words to make your life easier) I’d recommend that you make the first suggestion.

Having played Cupid for some time now, I can safely say that going for dinner on a first date is risky business.  What cuisine do you go for?  How fancy should the place be?  What do you order when you are there?  What if you end up stuck, that’s right stuck, opposite a moron for 3 whole courses?  Dangerous territory, no?  By avoiding the suggestion of dinner on a first date you make the whole process a lot less painful.

If we look to our super little survey once more, we can tell you that 64% of girls and 63% of guys would much rather go for drinks on a first date.  In the Tree we have a policy of only sending people to independent bars where you can get nibbles, tapas or sharing platters.   If it looks like things are going well and you’re both a bit peckish then that’s the right time to grab some grub.

If coming up with a cool suggestion fills you with dread, then fear not, help is at hand.  We recently  met the founder of a wonderful website called The Great Date Guide.  Not only is Miss Mary completely lovely, but she’s really good at finding super things to do on dates.  Her site is so easy to use (even I can work it) and it should definitely be your first port of call when thinking up a smashing location.

Now as I’ve said, I think a gig is great for date two.  Other recommendations are art galleries, museums, walks in the park, boat trips(!), bowling, a visit to the zoo, going to see a show and frolicking in a fair-ground.  I think it’s really important that the second date is quite playful, with something fun going on in the background.  This allows you to see more of each other’s personality and stops your dating routine from feeling like a Q&A.

My point is that whether you are on date number one or one hundred, it’s crucial that you give it some thought.  After all, it’s likely that the person you’re meeting is pretty awesome, so they deserve a bit of effort don’t you think?

Treehouse Tipples, this Brixton bar may not be the easiest to get to, but it’s worth it. With the days getting longer, what better way to spend the evening than in a cosy cavern, sipping snifters…? Grand Union

Trees for Cities, we clearly love trees, but we also love cities, so we particularly love trees in cities: they break up the concrete jungle, freshen the air and remind us that nature is wonderful. So imagine our delight when we found this charity right here in the big smoke.

Pillow fight, need we say more? Londoners are meeting up to join a simultaneous, worldwide battle of the bumps. Clearly it’s going to be loads of fun anyway, but you can feel extra happy as it raises money for Haiti.  It’s on Saturday 3rd April, 3.00pm, Trafalgar Square. Bring a pillow and see if you can spot us. We’re ready!

Ribbon & Roses, these goodies might be more up the girls’ Trees, but this gorgeous site is also great for presents. ‘Course we especially adore the leaf earrings, tree necklaces and lovebird lockets! Ribbon & Roses

Good things that have happened to us:

Apparently we need to schmooze more, so we went to our very first networking thing. Fortunately this wasn’t the corporate c*ck-fest that some of these events can be, it was much cosier. Organised by WedgeCard, which supports independent businesses and founded by John Bird, creator of The Big Issue, it’s an idea that’s after our own heart. So while we chatted to slebs with a social conscience, lamenting the collapse of the community, we munched on free food and decided hobnobbing ain’t half bad! Check out whether this marvellous little scheme is in your local area and get involved: Wedgies

Our Cannoli and Cocktails evening was a Sicilian sensation! Lovely local, Lisa, was unable to take the class – last minute emergency in Palermo, no joke. Which meant that an alternative had to be rustled up. Fortunately for us we had Faye, our foody friend. She judged the efforts of the chefs and tasted their wares. “Mamma Mia, fantastico”, she said! Grazie for coming. Try Lisa’s own goodies at the site: Le Dolci

Dating anecdotes:

Not exactly a dating anecdote, but funny. The other day on my way back from an interview, I decided to run into the supermarket to get a snack. While there I grabbed a handful of free Wasabi peas to calm my food rage. Took too many and started to choke. A knight in ripped jeans came over and offered me some of his water. We chatted a bit, as he was a friendly Northerner. I then couldn’t shake him; he kept striking up conversation in the aisles. He looked vaguely familiar, so I wondered if he was an old friend of my brother’s who I wasn’t recognising. As I walked back to the office, he joined me for the stroll. Not concerned about dangers, this is 3pm in Kensington, he started to tell me about his struggle to find love, so I told him it was his lucky day: “I am Cupid!”. He loved the sound of SiaT and said he’d definitely have signed up, if it weren’t for his “situation”. Intrigued, I dug a little and soon discovered that I was only talking to a member of Take That! Oops, slightly embarrassing. Can’t reveal his name in case I get in trouble, but suffice it to say when I Googled afterwards, I realised I’d been talking to the fit one. Really nice guy too, bit surprisingly perhaps. So sorry ladies, wish he could join us!

Romantic rendezvous:

We are trying to break a world record and we need your help! We need the most people ever to kiss in a tree at the same time. Sounds fun, eh? So we’re going to pick a date in the next few weeks to invite you to smooch under the St James’s Indian Bean Tree at Piccadilly at 6pm. We need as many people as possible, folks! Bring your friends, your colleagues, grannies. We’ll be raising money for Trees for Cities at the same time. Be prepared to come along, we’re going to drag you there. Breath mints at the ready!

Top dating tip:

Smile! With our new online site we can see how often different profiles are clicked on – unbelievably fascinating for three nosy wenches. We don’t know who’s looking at what, just which images are the most popular. Anyway, it would seem that by a million miles the most interesting photos are ones with big grins, which must reflect real life. If you look happy, people want to get their share of your flair. So show off your pearly whites, gang!

Yesterday I read an article by Dawn Porter in this week’s Stylist Magazine, on the subject of female breadwinners; basically highlighting the trickiness of embracing the empowerment of women and balancing this with our more traditional, stereotypical urges.  (Fellas stay with me, I promise this will get useful).

She was driving at the fact that yes, we’re all about independent women, but that those same women love it when a man takes the lead.  Are these double standards?  Well, yeah, they kind of are.  But doesn’t that indicate that actually, we’re all guiltily gagging for a bit more balance as far as equality is concerned?

One thing I’ve learned from the zillions of interesting and accomplished people I’ve met, is that guys like girls who can sometimes be a bit girly and girls like men that can be a bit manly.  I realise that this statement doesn’t champion equality, but surely it is nice to embrace our different desires too, no?

I am yet to meet a girl who’s not looking for a man who is bigger than she is.   And in truth, I’m yet to meet a chap who isn’t looking for a woman who takes care of herself.  Believe me when I say that I was surprised by this.

Guys, I get that it’s nice for you to be able moisturise and eat a salad without feeling weird.  It must feel great to not always have to drink pints and bellow loudly when someone scores a goal.  Things may have changed for you too, but I’m telling you that basic chivalry will always get you a lot farther on the dating scene.  Women don’t want to be patronised, but they still like to be treated nicely.  Even the three of us will freely admit that it’s lovely when a Gent opens the door for us!

Also, the chief complaint we receive from the ladies is that ‘he wasn’t confident enough.’  We understand that it’s difficult, because you don’t want to come across as arrogant, but I am almost certain that every single single girl I’ve met, would respond well to you initiating an interesting topic of conversation and generally making her feel like you fancy her.

Now girls, time and time again we get feedback from our fine fellows, stating that the lady in question just didn’t flirt enough.  I think with so many young professional women striving to be taken seriously, we can run into the trap of losing our playful, flirtatious and feminine characteristics.  Trust me, these things are an asset to you when dating.   It’s okay to indulge in them a bit, in fact it might even be fun.

All feedback we get from guys includes a comment on the girl’s appearance.  This doesn’t make them shallow necessarily.  Just as you have your ‘wish list’, so they have theirs, and this is something ALL of them consider.  I’m not suggesting that you should dress up just for them – it’s nice to feel attractive, especially when you are on a date.  So don’t feel bad for making a bit of an effort, you’ll certainly get a positive reaction.

Contreevesial as these pearls of wisdom may be, I think they are something to consider.  We love equal rights as much as the next man, but we are also learning that both men and women are craving a smidge of traditionalism when it comes to dating.  Food for thought at least, eh?

The recent article in the Metro, coupled with the kind praise and endless forwarding from our friends, has resulted in a hive of Tree populating activity.  We ruddy well love it we do!  Thank you, thank you all for spreading the word.

This gorgeous wave of applications has got me pondering very specifically about people’s profiles.  Needless to say, a key part of anyone’s calling card these days is their photo.   Thinking about my own choices for photos has sparked some guidelines, which I hope you find useful.

On an obvious note, it’s important that you can actually see your face, the whole of it and not just bits!  Sideways piccys particularly wind up our resident I.T. genius, Dan – he refers to them as ’siders’ – brilliant.  Even if you’re not a fan of your face, it’s yours and in any case, I’m sure it’s lovely really and you’re just being a bit silly!

I cannot stress this next point enough.  Please, please, please smile in your main photo.  When creating this site, we did a tonne of research into what makes a good profile.  Time and time again the golden rule for successful daters was that they displayed their pearly whites /cheeky grins in a friendly, approachable and fun invitation.

Also, and this is a goody too, make sure that in your lead pic you are looking directly at the camera.  It’s well known that good eye contact is a vital element of any flirtation, believe me when I say that this goes for online flirting too.  Being able to see your eyes will make it easy for people to form a connection with you, pretty important don’t you think?

Without becoming obsessive (and we totally understand that it’s easy to) think about what you are doing in the photo, what you are wearing and what this says about you.  We all want to appear attractive, sexy, fun loving and interesting, but that doesn’t mean that a half naked photo of you drunk at a fire-eating jamboree (fun as that is), will sell you in your best light.  Try to imagine what your ideal partner might look for in you and how you can use your photos to show these qualities.

Knowing that online daters value visuals, we have created a fancy image collage (basically click ‘enlarge all images’ on someone’s profile and you’ll see) to allow you to view people’s photos easily and clearly.  A good variety of full shots, head shots, daytime shots, night time shots, silly shots, serious shots etc, will only serve to enhance your profile and in so doing, make you more appealing to fellow Tree-members.  Not only that, but photo’s are excellent ice-breakers and might trigger a cosy conversation between you and someone else.

Go on, embrace your face and let the world know who you are through our delightful photo function!

Lots of love

Trish x